


How did we end?

by unlimitedcity



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Heavy Angst, M/M, nomin, reading this is highkey self harm, writing this was lowkey self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 03:43:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15922196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unlimitedcity/pseuds/unlimitedcity
Summary: Have you ever read a story that starts with the end?





	How did we end?

**Author's Note:**

> writing this was lowkey self harm... i cried so hard.

Most stories are told in the form of introducing the rising action. The beginning of a chapter. _Once upon a time._ Some invests so much on this part of novels that sometimes when it comes to the falling action, when things get rough, it gets rushed into a few chapters, paragraphs, lines, and words… not giving justice to that part of the plot.

What people don’t know is that the falling action is as important as the formerly mentioned.

This story won’t begin at the start. There is no once upon a time to establish the plot.

This is how it ended. How everything _fell_ out.

“Do you still remember?” the raven haired male asked. He was wearing a plain white shirt today, in Chinese culture the color was associated to mourning. Were there perhaps going to grieve over this day?

Apparently, today was their final day together. Both of them agreeing that it was best to have this kind of closure before officially walking out of each other’s lives.

_Walking out of your life._

“Remember what, Jeno?” Jaemin returned a question. Compared to Jeno’s clean appearance today, Jaemin had louder colors on him than usual. He had his hair dyed into a bright pink matching it with a sunny shade of yellow for a sweater that hangs from his body figure.

“How we started?”

Jaemin allowed a smile to flash on his lips, “Yeah, it was amazing,”

“We were. Looking back at it now, we never thought we’d end up in this situation,”

“But look at us _now,_ ”

A beat.

Silence.

The atmosphere wasn’t tense and no sign of comfortable silence either.

It was just… stillness and nothing else.

“How did we end up like this again?” Jaemin took all the will power in him to look straight towards Jeno’s eyes. Meeting what used to be his most favorite pair of orbs. “Do you remember that part?”

Jeno fought the temptation to look away. He was drawn to his gaze with no strength to veer away. “I’m not sure, Jaemin. How did it end? How did _we_ end?”

“Maybe… it was when dinner turned colder each night until there was nothing left to eat on the table,”

Jeno felt an uncomfortable twist coming from his abdomen. He and Jaemin used to eat dinner together. They promised, even if they went to different universities and reside in dorms apart from each other, they’d make sure to eat their dinner together at their favorite convenience store by the station.

For the first few months they did.

Until he started stuttering his attendance from their dinners.

Coming in late. Never coming. Cancelling last minute.

Never came.

Jeno stopped, Jaemin waited.

“Or it was when it wasn’t difficult to hang up anymore,” Jeno added.

He glanced at Jaemin’s phone by the table. It still had the same case as before but he knows his wallpaper has been changed… and his contact name from _my acorn_ to Lee Jeno.

When Jeno started to be such an absentee boyfriend, they both agreed to try keeping in touch via smart phones and all the other application technology has given man the liberty to enjoy convenience.

They began eating dinners while video chatting until Jaemin started to neglect this nightly routine.

The first time this happened. _My class ended at 9PM I need sleep, Jeno._

Then the second. _Can we just talk about this tomorrow? I’ve already had enough of this._

It never ended. _Jeno, you keep fighting me every single night will you ever let me breathe?_

It went on for continuous nights to the point that they just stopped calling each other anymore.

Jaemin felt a tear roll down his right cheek. He wouldn’t have realized he was at the brink of tears until that tear fell and made contact with his hot skin. He promised to himself that he wouldn’t cry today. Especially in front of Jeno. It was already embarrassing to be crying inside a public café with an audience but nothing was more embarrassing than crying in front of what used to be his, “There were more excuses not to show up than reasons why you want to be with each other,”

Jeno’s brows furrowed in worry. His hands itching to reach out towards the younger’s face to wipe the tear staining his beautiful face. He wanted to stop him from crying any further.

But he’s already done so much damage… no point of preventing pain when it was already there to begin with.

“Distractions became an escape,” Jaemin flinched as soon as Jeno mentioned distractions.

Jeno regretted saying it as soon as he saw Jaemin uncomfortable shift on his seat.

But his biggest regret would be when this day ends.

“ _Distractions,_ ” the word tasted bitter in Jaemin’s mouth.

It wasn’t like Jeno cheated on Jaemin. He could never do that to him. But he almost did.

 _“Almost_ ,” Jaemin said during their fight when he found out. “ _Almost could’ve been real, Jeno. And the fact that you would let that ‘almost’ happen says so much about how you don’t value what kind of relationship we have!”_

_“Relationship? What kind of relationship do we have, huh, Jaemin? You can’t even give me a single dime of your time whenever I call you and you still think I’m the one who doesn’t value what we have?”_

_“So it’s my fault now? Tell me, Jeno. Who stopped showing up? Don’t I have the right to get fed up with how you just easily throw me away? Am I that disposable to you? I reject your calls because of valid reasons. At least I don’t go around fooling with other people as if I’m not committed to someone!”_

_“Enough!”_

“Jaemin,” he says, his right hand fisted by his side, stopping himself from attacking the frail boy before him with a hug. Stopping himself from saying words of affirmation he knows he cannot fulfill.

Jeno doesn’t trust himself anymore. He knows he’ll just end up hurting him even more. And nothing pains him more than seeing Jaemin broken by his own self.

“It’s okay,” Jaemin managed to say in between a sob he was holding. “Not everyone gets it right during the first,”

A beat.

They were each other’s _first love._

“It was a risk I willingly took. Falling in love with you. Out of all the people I could be helplessly in love with… my best friend turned into my lover,” sad eyes met Jeno’s, “now history,”

“I broke you,” Jeno choked on his words. He was crying now too. Unable to keep the overwhelming sadness from inside him trapped in a cage of pretense.

Jaemin shook his head, “We both got broken, Jeno. Maybe, we just weren’t meant for each other,”

“ _Why did we end?”_ his hands were shaking now. Jeno clamped both of his hands together and placed it atop his lap. This was too much for him. So far, he and Jaemin have been avoiding this kind of conversation ever since they both agreed to cool it off.

Jaemin called him this morning. When he asked why, his Jaemin said they should talk to make it official.

To officially break up.

“Because,” Jaemin started, his lower lip quivering from restraining himself to let out a loud sob, “we were just two people that were bound to meet but were never fated to be together,”

“I’m sorry,” Jeno was crying out his heart. You would usually notice his eyes disappearing when he smiled too much but now… his orbs have vanished along with his never-ending tears. “I’m sorry, Jaemin,”

“I’m sorry too,” the sob Jaemin was preventing himself to make earlier has now come out of its dungeon.

“Why did we have to end? Why can’t we try again?” Jeno’s eyes were practically begging now. Pleading, searching for Jaemin to reciprocate the same desperation he had. But there was none.

“Jeno, we’re beyond fixing. We’ve come to a point of no return. We’ve already inflicted so much pain. Broken things don’t go well together,”

“I loved you,” it came out as a whisper. All the crying has left Jeno in such a weakened state that his posture was almost hanging over his chair.

“And I did too,” Jaemin reciprocated, “Dearly,”

Another beat.

But this time it lasted longer than the previous ones.

A collection of beats.

A sad scene.

Their relationship started with the mutual understanding that they both had loved each other.

And now, as their relationship comes to and end… both are mutually wounded.

“So… is this really the end?” a pathetic laugh left Jeno’s lips.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Jaemin sniffed, wiping his nose.

“What happens next?” Jeno raised.

“ _Fin.”_


End file.
